Haruki Toyama

Posts : 25 Join date : 2014-02-07

CHARACTER
Gender: Female

Name:Haruki Toyama

Age: 14

Appearance: Grey Eyes, White Hair and White Fox Ears and Tail , Pale white skin ,Slender build, 5'3, White shrine like shirt some times slightly disconnected at the shoulder , switches from many different colored skirts, sometimes wears a light scarf.

History: Her mom died when she was only a baby she put her in front of an Orphanage . Minutes before she died. She grew deep hatred to most humans but grew out of that by age 6.But still gets mad at people who pick on faunus. And she tends to go out her way to yell at them.She had a very troubled up bringing. Mostly because she never learned to keep her mouth shut when she needed to. She grew up mostly at the school. She seemed to be born into fighting until she spazzed out. Losing control of her powers and embarrassing herself in front of everyone. She trained like crazy after that avoiding the cyclone attack ever since.She is training to become a huntress at a school that trains huntresses( Not Beacon but not a Academy that's been named yet).

Personality: She is very loud and expressive about her anger. But truly hurt underneath the surface. Also very shy about most anything.She tends to read and write alot of poetry.She mostly keeps to her self until provoked to do other wise. But she loves being around people but just doesn't feel like talking.

Strength: She is very fast and agile. Can nearly dodge any attack.Very good at approximate aim.She can swing from branches. Like most faunus she has great night vision. Can switch attacks fairly quickly. Great at sneak attacks.

Weakness: She has terrible accuracy.Most direct attacks she misses completely.Has a lag between attacks. Needs momentum to get more of anything done in battle. Her first attacks are weak.Needs around her to fight.

Semblance: Has a wind semblance she can whip wind around her. when angry can start a cyclone.This looks much like Air bending and MewTwo’s Cyclone when wielded correctly. The whirl wind if the victim gets trapped in it may deflect most mystic attack and may prevent physical attack if the force is not great enough. As for the wind whip it acts as a blade if she uses side to side motion or when using blades. It acts as whip if she does front kicks.

Weapon#1 : Morning Star

Primary Form: Dual half circle blades. Razor sharp and can even pick up the smallest wind. Has stars at the end of it.Acts more as a vessel or channel of wind. Never really makes actual contact to said victim. But when swung at a certain speed it whistles due to the small slits in the stars. The whistling usually causes anger in her.

Weapon#2 : Nova star

Primary Form: Can she shoot cannon blast from her boots. Pointed tips at the end of them that can also pick up wind. The boots cause more of a whip than a blade.When spun in a circle the cannons spin a radom lengths but are very short radius.If she does a front kick while flipping back wards it launches pretty far. Spinning kick range: 1-20 in. Front kick range: 17- 40 in. Cannon blast are in the shapes of stars.

Subject: Re: Haruki Toyama Mon Feb 10, 2014 4:00 pm

Overall, I can't say anything about this, simply because it's so short. Add more detail. Everywhere.

Head Admin Posts : 1380 Join date : 2013-09-05

Yes, details. Details are the best thing you can do for your character, as it helps define the character better and helps others you interact with understand just who it is they are interacting with.

Posts : 25 Join date : 2014-02-07

Oh this one was deleted I have another one. Sorry. I thought I deleted it.But I'll post all revisions on here since this is the one that has been posted on.

Subject: Re: Haruki Toyama Wed Feb 12, 2014 5:48 pm

Sorry, you still have a long way to go before this even has a chance. Try looking at some other approved characters to see what level of detail and length is acceptable.

Posts : 25 Join date : 2014-02-07

I have I don't see much of a difference. Well except in History maybe.

Head Admin Posts : 1380 Join date : 2013-09-05

I think the amount of detail is sufficient. I'm ready to approve your character, but I would like some small specific changes. You don't have an occupation, which is fine, but your history also doesn't describe what your character is/does. Does the character attend Beacon? Also, if this is the case, do consider raising her age slightly, as the standard age is 17 for first years at the Academy. Other than that, looks okay.

Posts : 25 Join date : 2014-02-07

Good now?

Head Admin Posts : 1380 Join date : 2013-09-05

Looks good. Only thing I see now is just under the age, it says, "emale". I assume this is supposed to be "Gender: Female". Just pointing out a small error.

Approved +1

Posts : 25 Join date : 2014-02-07

Thanks

Subject: Re: Haruki Toyama Thu Feb 13, 2014 11:47 pm

Approved 2/2.