Ryth sirgantir

Name: Ryth Sirgantir

Age: 17 years old. 25th day of the 3rd month

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Symbol: A chakram in a shield-like in front of a humanoid shape

Occupation: Student: just enrolled in beacon

Appearance: height: 160cm varying length blonde hair (does a military style curt whenever his hair starts getting in the way.) Ryth's face is paler than the normal very white person. very light build but not much is known about his body due to the fact that he hides his scars and bruises behind his cloak. he is always walking with a slight slouch with his head down Not a very good looking face but with eyes the colour of deep onyx, reflecting everything with extreme clarity and brings the feeling for anyone who peers into Ryth’s eyes that they are looking at their own souls. his eyebrows are in a constant frown, though from concentration, sadness or anger, sometimes he can't tell. also,  Ryth's mouth has evolved into a hard-set line; barely ever leaving that position even in times of anger or happiness which will make some people think that he is always cold or indifferent.

usually wears casual attire (any t-shirt and shorts he can find) and his chakram harness strapped to his back, with his cloak/armour suit of aura around him most of the time he is in public, will usually not make a good impression due to his fashion sense making him always look like a dweeb if his cloak is not covering most of his body (it is most of the time).

History: Ryth’s family was fairly middle-class. They did not have much money and so Ryth worked to get the things he desired. His parent’s only history with any public was that his grandfather was the only survivor of the biggest failure in the Faunus war bringing shame that made him the target of every bully in his neighbourhood. The fact that he was bullied by even the kids who were bullied and the constant Grimm crises popping up convinced Ryth that he should become a hunter to sto the grimm from treating the public worse then they treated him. So for the rest of Ryth’s life, he studied and trained all he can to become a hunter but he was weak and all of the weapons and combat styles did not suit him because they all required too much strength for him to use effectively.

Ryth started building his weapons then. And as he researched, he started building a weapon set that he never even heard before and as it was nearing its completion, the bullies decided to all get together for a pre-planned attack on Ryth. That day they came to the forge where Ryth was building his weapons, attacked him and started destroying his new weapons and as the loss of the things he had spent 3 years of his life to build and all of the money he could get, he lost it and activated his aura. The magnitude of the aura that exploded at that moment caused all of the bullies to have concussions and bruises in many places. As Ryth was found the nest day there was purple aura all around him, uncontrolled, which the authorities thought was impossible and called for hunters to investigate which led to Ryth going to signal to have his peculiar aura monitored and studied. Ryth applied to be a student there and as to not get sued for unconsentual experimentation allowed him to be a student until they were done or proved himself to be good enough to attend. And after 4 years Ryth graduated and is transferring to beacon

Personality: Ryth is very antisocial. He does not know what to say most of the time and will accidentally offend many with how he chooses to word things, he also does not care about how people see him. He is dedicated to help those who were in a similar place as him and to a lesser extent, be good to everyone. He has troubles with this as he still harbours a deep hatred to bullying and will take a long time for him to change his mind if his first impressions of them was even like a bully. His anger problems are a problem too, and since he doesn’t know how to deal with it effectively, he will take it out on anything he can (least valuable first). Though unseen most of the time, Ryth is a good analyser, he can figure things out using information that not many would not have thought of but half of the time he doesn't listen to what is being said because he is tryinfg to keep enough focus to keep his cloak up. And with his morals he shuns how serious relationships are dealt with these days. he does not know what to do with friends and he usually underestimates himself. he hates homosexuality.

Strength:  he is agile and his arm speed is faster than normal (swing faster) with a strong aura and good aura control with unwavering morals. His weapon and combat style is so different than what is conventional that he can confuse most enemies about his fighting style and how to counter for his first few rounds with them. Ryth can also figure out mind-games faster due to his analytical nature.

Weakness: Ryth is not strong at all, his speed is lower than average and his communication makes it very hard to lie believably, Ryth in no way can face a heavily armoured enemy head on since his weapons have no way of breaking a defence and Ryth's morals make him loyal to a fault.

Semblance: Physical transformation: Ryth's aura is easily transformed into a tangible object (cloak, block of aura, etc.) the users aura can only transform into one substance (specific aura element) that is the same for all those with this semblance and the substance has is always room temperature and is weightless.also, the density, the size of the area the aura will take up, and the distance away from the user will affect the amount of aura is used to keep the aura in that shape, also  the amount of aura needed  will increase it a high rate for distance and density while the size will depend on the users focus (the more specific the item, the more focus required. due to the instability of this semblance, the aura can become a gas-like form around the user without them calling it in certain situations.

known forms:

Cloak: a full body cloak with hood and sleeves (based off the organisation cloak) only used as clothing. the density is so small that it's drain on his aura is negligable.

armour: a fairly dense set of full body armour. eye slots because he hasn't discovered how to make colourless physical aura yet (he thinks). stronger than leather armour but weaker than plate/chain armour and takes up so much focus that he can only use it in battle when adrenaline hits him and it becomes instinct. can be used for on average an hour without using his cannon before is aura runs dry.

WEAPON

Name: Destiny’s blades

Primary Form: dual oversized chakram, with handholds running through the centre of them since they cannot be held at the edge and the wielder can hold them at different places so that they can be used for different moves. The edges can become serrated and start spinning by Ryth using his aura to activate switches in the handles (do not need to be serrated to spin) to deal extra damage to weak spots and climb weak walls. (Dirt cliffs, some rock, cannot go through something close to as hard as concrete). Made to be easily brought back to Ryth using his aura and is used against lightly armoured enemies and is excellent at deflecting medium size weapons and the handholds can be used to disarm certain weapons and can be used as a shield.
Secondary Form: The two chakram link together of Ryth’s right forearm using the handholds to attach to each other and stay in place around Ryth’s forearm. This form allows a point where Ryth can pool his aura to fire blasts of concentrated aura accurately (at the moment Ryth can send destructive aura and healing aura.) used to damage heavily armoured enemies, it is a close-to-mid range blaster.

History: these dual Chakram were the final designs of Ryth’s first weapons and was made during the first 3 years at signal as Ryth tried to create the most aura-effective design.

Alright, only a few issues I see here. I would like to see more fleshed out in the appearance. Anything such as facial structure, muscle mass, and etc.

I would also like to see more brought out in the strengths and weaknesses section as I only noticed one or two.

Last of all, I don't really understand your semblance. What exactly do you mean by physical aura?

where could I get a little help on that? I wouldn't be able to describe my own face or much else about my appearance if I even tried ( I searched the other applications and did the best I can to improve in the appearance department), and for the semblance, my character is based off myself when I said that he cannot explain things very well and I was trying to describe that unlike how most characters aura are hidden, (inside them somewhere) Ryth's does not have a place for his aura to dwell so it is always some force near him, even if it is just a veil of heavy aura around him. (hope that helps explain what I was trying to get at)

If you need help with a character, there are always people in chat willing to help.

As for the semblance, you may want to look over things here. While these are more guidelines for aura than they are actual rules, they are guidelines I'd prefer you to use as they will likely become rules in the near future.

I need help a lot with my semblence. I cannot change it because I based a significant part of my characters history, combat style and weapon off my semblence. I have tried my hardest to get it right but if it isn't good enough, I might need to remove and redo my character. I will be away until, at the latest, Monday.

found a way for the semblance to be easier to understand and be more believable, please check the character again

I'm okay with the semblance, but only if you specify what he can create. These kinds of semblances have a lot of potential to be exploited, so I'm going to need a lot more detail before I let it pass.

This should hopefully be my final edit for this character

The number of parenthetical remarks you have breaks a lot of the reading flow. I get that you're trying to provide greater detail, but it makes it a lot more difficult to read.

As for appearance, I would recommend separating physical characteristics, such as hair, eyes, musculature/physique, facial structure, etc. from the clothing he wears by having them in separate paragraphs. It would make that section easier to read, and also make much of what is said come across as less choppy and disjointed.

I recommend doing something similar with the history. Separate major points into their own paragraphs, and it will be much easier to read through.

You write the Semblance as if it's a passive ability, but that it also has a constant drain on his Aura reserves, as well. This would logically leave him consistently drained of Aura, and also relatively defenseless, unless I'm reading that wrong.

As far as the weapon, what range does the secondary form have? How quickly can that ability be used?

hopefully I have done good enough

Approved +1!

Approved, 2/2!