Avon

Name: Avon

Age: 15, 7th day of 6th month

Gender: Male

Species: Human

Occupation: Bounty Hunter

Appearance: Avon stands at a whopping, (wait for it....) 4'9. He's pretty skinny, and weights less than a hundred pounds. His hair is a dark gray, ragged and short, like a little skater. His eyes are a blood red color, as well as always sagging, making him look tired. His skin is very dark, about Indian, i'd say. His forehead has a very distinct pattern, 4 red dots, arranged as a cube embedded in it. Even though he uses explosives as a primary weapon, he is careful not to harm his appearance. Underneath his shirt, is a thin vest, holding 12 rather small Islamic throwing knives. Avon's clothing is a different matter, he wears flame retardant black jeans, along with a flame retardant t-shirt and aviator jacket. Along his body are 30 hidden detonators, each one is able to be accessed at any time (And yeah, there's one in his pants >.>).

History:

Spoiler:

Personality: Avon is a scarred boy, he witnessed everyone he grew up with die, and ended up the reason why they did. He hides this pain underneath a mischievous nature, but he is hurt, and the damage is done. Regardless, Avon prefers chaos over thinking things through. His favorite way to fight is to run through with some knives, figure out how the enemy moves, and lay down explosives accordingly. If you cross him, he will leave you to die if he gets the chance.

Strength: A prodigy at explosives. Intelligent, and very quick.

Weakness: If he runs out of explosives, he's as good as dead. Without his trump card, his semblance isn't very useful.

Semblance: Able to direct the blast of an explosive within a meter radius of him. Ex: Suicide bomber package on the waist, able to make the blast hit everything but him. Can only be used every 30 minutes and is harder to direct the bigger the explosive.

WEAPON

First Weapon: Plastic Clay
Plastic explosives in the form of a gooey substance that resembles clay. The bomb is hard to make, but is potent, able to blow through solid concrete with an amount the size of a flattened baseball. 30 detonators are hidden on his body, each one can be quickly assigned to a detonator attached to the clay.
Second Weapon: The 12 knives of dawn
12 Small knives that are hidden in a thin vest under Avon's clothes. Nothing special about them.
Third Weapon: Trump Card
Plastic Explosives in the shape of a toolbelt around his waist. Works best with his semblance, allowing him to not die by directing the explosive blast away from his body.

History: Each weapon was created by Avon, with the help of the rebellion. They were a revolution, and are his signature weapon.

Beacon would not accept a twelve year old into it's school at all, let alone them being a second year. Ruby was brought in at 15 and she's a special case, the standard age for first years is 17-18. Also there is no way a 12 year old could sneak into beacon unnoticed let alone be accepted into Beacon after making plastic explosives on the roof. Please fix these points.

DrGustave wrote:

Beacon would not accept a twelve year old into it's school at all, let alone them being a second year. Ruby was brought in at 15 and she's a special case, the standard age for first years is 17-18. Also there is no way a 12 year old could sneak into beacon unnoticed let alone be accepted into Beacon after making plastic explosives on the roof. Please fix these points.

There, fixed. No need to be rude about it.

Okay, the main problem I still have is that he's twelve years old. I can't really seem him being a successful bounty hunter or even being able to take bounties given his age and how people would see him, I wouldn't give a twelve year a bounty when there are hunters and trained mercs available. Also, not rude. Blunt. It's something that comes with the job.

Being 12 doesn't mean anything. He doesn't fight head on, his primary weapon are wireless explosives.

I'm going to flat out say it, we will not accept a 12 year old character.

Really? Why?

Still waiting for that response. Trying to see exactly why a 12 year old character isn't allowed.

Alright fine, the age is changed. I'm glad the mods here are so open and "blunt".

Here's the thing. Mods have lives and jobs and sometimes it takes longer than 11 **** minutes for us to check back in. So if you have a complaint about how my guys handle things come out and say it and cut the passive aggressive bull shit.

To add onto this, the entire premise of this stage of roleplaying is criticizing your character to make sure it is of good quality. I suggest getting some thicker skin. However now that the age issue is fixed we can focus on more of the detail issues.

Does Avon have a last name? If so what is it? If not why doesn't he have one? Is Avon not his real name? You'll need to either explain the lack of or add a last name.

You're going to need to add more detail to the current history and finish it. What happened after the Grimm attacked the kingdom? How did he survive? Why and when did he become a bounty hunter? I also have a problem with part of the current history. It doesn't make sense that a royal knight would turn to a mere child as their secret super weapon. Surely there were more experienced and trained knights to learn demolition.

He needs more details on strengths and weaknesses. His only weakness cannot be running out of weapons.

More detail on the Semblance. How does it work? Does his aura form a thin shield around his body? Does it push the explosive reaction outward while stopping it from returning? The semblances need to be explained. I suggest taking a look at this to see what I mean by explain and to get a good idea of length and detail.

Still waiting on those changes. Trying to see exactly why his age makes sense.

Moved to MIA.